i am a liar

i'm a very good liar.

it's true.

i can smile like a good little tool
and you'd never know!

you'd never know
how broken apart inside i am.

i can chat like the normal people do.
be social and eat food.
work and pay the bills.
answer emails as if all was well
in the universe and beyond.
watch television and laugh.
feed the cat and walk the dog.
pay attention and drive.
go to the market for milk.
buy a pack of cigarettes.
get gasoline in the truck.
meet my appointments.
return phone calls.
sleep in a bed and take showers.
go to work and make my classes.
brush my teeth.
comb my hair.
move and breathe
as if nothing at all were wrong.
i'm so deft at this,
you'd never know
i was imitating life.

i am a very good liar in real life.
really.
i have fooled so many people.
i'm well-adjusted.
i'm happy.
i'm cheerful.
i'm good at hiding the problems.
i smile easy.
i agree with people.
i connect with people.
and
everyone looks at me and sees
a pleasant together woman.
and
everyone
smiles
back.

i am such a good liar,
you don't even hear me
when i'm screaming.
you don't pay any mind
when i come home bleeding.
you don't even say a word
when i don't speak for weeks.
you don't see the look in my eyes
when my world is burning down.

i'm such a brilliant liar.
you'd never know it.